Translations

As an oil painter for over 10 years, I have come to the conclusion that the novices on the show circuit do not realize that customers actually speak a different language. In the beginning, this language barrier caused me no end of confusion until I learned to translate correctly. With that in mind, I have prepared a brief listing of the most popular customer phrases with their correct translation. (Thanks to fellow painter Virginia Peake for her contributions.)

Your work is lovely.
Translation: I’ve finished looking. I’m leaving now.

I’ll be back.
Translation: Good-bye. Have a nice life.

I want to talk this over with my husband / wife.
Translation: See above.

These colors don’t match my decor.
Translation: These prices don’t match my wallet.

I love your frames / roof with skylight / table cloths.
Translation: Don’t get up--I’m a fellow artist.

Is that the best you can do?
Translation: Can I talk you into a pay cut?

Hrrrmmmfff. (spoken by man with arms folded across chest standing outside booth in response to wife’s question--”what do you think, dear?”)
Translation: No sale

Is this a watercolor? (spoken while pointing to an oil)
or
Is this an oil? (spoken while pointing to a watercolor.)
Translation: I only came for the crafts.

So, how long did it take you to paint this?
Translation: What are you getting, $300 an hour?

Where’s the crochet lady who was in this spot last year?
Translation: Have they replaced the best thing in the show with you????

Oh dear, everybody’s an art critic.
Translation: My dog just wizzed on your display.